Sharp as a Knife
by caughtonfire
Summary: I like Scream, and I like Charlie and Kirby. I also have strong emotions about things. This is what happens when they mix.
1. What a Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy

I ship Charlie and Kirby more than I should. That's all I'm saying.

Disclaimer: I do not own Scream. I also can't write things in screenplay format worth shit. I thought it would be easier. it wasn't.

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><p>INT - KIRBY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT<p>

Stab 7 is playing on the television, CHARLIE watches intently, but KIRBY has something else on her mind.

KIRBY

"Hey, Charlie." She whispers.

CHARLIE

"Yeah?" He glances away from the movie quickly.

KIRBY

"I'm sorry, I know you want to watch the movie and all, but.." She pauses, and he looks back at the tv.

KIRBY (cont.)

"Now would be a really good time to make a move." She leans closer, smirking. Charlie looks back at her. His heartbeat picks up.

CHARLIE

"For me to make a move?" He asks skeptically.

KIRBY

"Uh huh." Her smirk is more pronounced now.

CHARLIE

"Couldn't you make a move?" He's excited, but nervous.

KIRBY

"I just did." A full grin appears on her face.

KIRBY (cont.)

"Cause you're actually pretty cute. Especially when I'm scared, and lonely, and drunk.."

With every word, they both lean closer, until their lips touch.

Suddenly, Trevor appears, ruining the moment. Kirby and Charlie move apart.

TREVOR

"Hey guys, did you see Jill come in? I didn't see her outside."

KIRBY

"Yes Trevor, she's upstairs. Thank god you're here to protect her when you can't even find her."

Trevor notices Stab 6 is playing.

TREVOR

"Oh dude! I love this part of the movie."

Charlie and Kirby glare at Trevor, obviously wanting him out of the room.

TREVOR (cont.)

"Just when you think they're all safe and comfortable in the house.. Ghostface comes in and bang!"

Charlie abruptly gets up and leaves the room.

TREVOR

"Did I just interrupt something right here?"

Kirby looks like she's just about to rip Trevor's head off.

TREVOR

"Shut the fuck up!" He begins to laugh.

KIRBY

"Who invited you, Trevor?"

TREVOR

He gets up. "Alright, clearly not you. I'm gonna be upstairs, laughing."

KIRBY

(shouting)

"Get out of my house!"


	2. Going in for the Kill

INT - KIRBY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Sirens blare down the main road, and SIDNEY enters the front door of Kirby's house. She looks and around, and GASPS when a hand grabs her.

KIRBY

"Look, I'm sorry, it's just me. I tried to call 911, but the landline's dead, and someone smashed the router."

SIDNEY

"I think I got through on my cell."

KIRBY

"Where's Jill?"

They hear a noise, and Kirby rushes them into the basement area.

KIRBY

"There's a room down here, we can lock ourselves in."

They make it to the room, and Kirby locks the door. They hear a banging on the window, it's Charlie.

CHARLIE

"Kirby, let me in!"

KIRBY

"Charlie.."

She runs to the door, and notices BLOOD ON HIS HAND.

CHARLIE

"No, no, no, no, no. I just found Robbie. This- this is his blood. Please.. There is someone else out here, let me in!"

He continues to bang on the window, Kirby is conflicted.

SIDNEY

"If you can't trust him, don't open the door."

CHARLIE

"Oh my god, let me in!" He's panicking.

KIRBY

"Get away from the door, Charlie."

CHARLIE

"Kirby, it's me! Please, let me in!" His words are hoarse, he sounds like he's crying.

KIRBY

"Get away from the door, Charlie!" Her voice shakes.

CHARLIE

"It's me!" He removes his hand from the window.

Kirby shakes her head, trying not to cry.

KIRBY

"I'm sorry, I can't."

CHARLIE

"What the fuck?" They're both crying now.

KIRBY

"I'm sorry." She steps closer.

GHOSTFACE pops up behind Charlie.

KIRBY

"Behind you! Look out!"

Ghostface slams Charlie's head against the door, and Kirby jumps back. He slams his head again, and begins to drag him off.

CHARLIE

"No no no no no! Kirby!"

The porch lights shut off. When they come on again, Charlie is DUCT TAPED to a chair, a piece of tape on his mouth.

KIRBY

"No, oh god no. Please. Leave him alone! Leave him alone!"

Her cell phone rings, Charlie's contact name pops up.

KIRBY

"It's Charlie's phone." She answers it.

GHOSTFACE (O.S.)

"Tell Sidney heads are gonna roll tonight! Tell Sidney it's all because of _her._ Or maybe she should be in his place. I promise to be quick."

KIRBY

"It's him."

SIDNEY

"Okay, okay. I'm gonna go get Jill, we should be in the same place. Just- Just keep him on the phone. I'll be right back, okay?"

KIRBY

"Let him go, please."

GHOSTFACE (O.S)

"I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching STAB, you get to live it!"

KIRBY

"No! No no no no! He's the expert, it's not me!"

GHOSTFACE (O.S)

"Warm up question; Jason's weapon!"

KIRBY

"Uh.. uh.. it's a machete!"

GHOSTFACE (O.S.)

"There, ya see? You do know the genre. Michael Meyers!"

KIRBY

"Uh.. Butcher knife!"

Charlie is struggling against the chair.

GHOSTFACE (O.S.)

"Leatherface!"

KIRBY

"Chainsaw! Please!"

GHOSTFACE

"Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger!"

KIRBY

"Uh.. uh.. Razor hands!"

GHOSTFACE

"Name the movie that started the slasher craze. Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left, or Psycho?"

KIRBY

"Psycho."

Her drunken state has disappeared, she's scarily sober, and alert.

GHOSTFACE

"None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed my Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer's P.O.V."

KIRBY

"Wait, what? No no no no, just ask me one more question! Just one more!" She's shaking. Charlie's life depends on her.

GHOSTFACE

"Alright, Kirby, then it's time for your last chance question. Name the remake of the ground breaking horror movie in which the villain-"

KIRBY

"Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, the Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, a Nightmare on Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When a Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, uh, Piranha. It's one of those, right? Right?"

All is quiet, Charlie has stopped shouting and moving. Ghostface hasn't spoken.

KIRBY

"I got it right. I was fucking right."

She exits the room and walks outside, and starts to work on undoing Charlie's bonds.

KIRBY

"I won, Charlie, I won. He tried to beat me but I fucking won."

She rips the tape off of his mouth.

KIRBY

"Almost there, just hang tight."

He glances at the bushes, nervous. Finally, all the tape is undone, and he gets up.

CHARLIE

"Kirby?"

KIRBY

"Yeah?"

He pulls out a hidden knife.

CHARLIE

"This is making a move."

Without hesitation, he PLUNGES the knife into her. Kirby GASPS. He pulls out the knife, it's covered in her blood. She gasps for breath, holding onto Charlie.

CHARLIE

"Four years of classes together, and you notice me now? You stupid bitch! It's too late!" He stabs her again for good measure. She's struggling to breathe, her breath coming out in short gasps.

CHARLIE

"Shh, shh. I know, I know. It's okay. It doesn't happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know." He's eerily calm about the whole ordeal.

KIRBY

"Ch-Charlie." She struggles to speak,

He's distraught, and pushes her off of the blade. Blood seeps on the ground, and she holds her stomach, gasping for air. She needs to call for help…

END SCENE.


	3. Dog Days are Over

INT - HOSPITAL - DAY

KIRBY sleeps on a hospital bed. Various machines are hooked up to her. The heart monitor shows a steady heartbeat. NURSE JOANNE walks in.

NURSE JOANNE

"Kirby, are you up?"

Kirby stirs, her eyelids flutter open.

KIRBY

"Wha? What happened?"

It all comes back to her. The call from Ghostface, Charlie tied up, her getting stabbed.

KIRBY

"Oh my- oh my god." She sits up quickly, a sharp pain in her stomach causes her to lie back down.

NURSE JOANNE

"We'll get you your pain medication in a second, someone wants to see you."

LYNN REED enters, and rushes to Kirby's side.

KIRBY

"Mom!"

LYNN

"Kirby! Oh my god.. I thought.. I thought.." She bursts into tears.

KIRBY

"Mom.. what happened?"

LYNN

"Your friend, Jill.. she's dead."

KIRBY

"What?"

Someone clears their throat, it's SIDNEY. They look over.

SIDNEY

"If I could have a moment with Kirby, I can explain everything."

Lynn nods, kisses Kirby's forehead, and leaves the room.

SIDNEY

"It's good to see that you're okay.. save for the wound.. but you'll be fine." She smiles, and sits in a chair next to the hospital bed.

KIRBY

"Is- is everyone.. dead?"

SIDNEY

"I'll get to that in a second. First you should know, Jill was Ghostface."

KIRBY

"But.. Charlie! He.. he stabbed me. What the fuck?"

SIDNEY

"Jill was the mastermind. She was crazy… I know that's a horrible thing to say about a cousin, but that's what she was. Crazy.

She pauses, still not believing the whole thing herself.

SIDNEY (cont.)

She wanted fame. She didn't want to live a mediocre life. One day, she thought, 'Sidney is so famous! All she had to do was get herself almost-killed.' And then she formed a plan, and dragged Charlie into it. I don't know why or how, but she did. All Charlie knew was that she was going to frame Trevor, but in the end, she stabbed Charlie, too. You can't have a remake without Billy and Stu. That's exactly what she was trying to create. A remake. Then, Jill almost succeeded in killing me. Said the media wanted a sole survivor. And of course, she had to make herself look like a victim. She stabbed herself in the shoulder.. ripped out her own hair and scratched herself in the face.. there were multiple cuts on her face, from glass, too. Then, sometime last night, she realized I was still alive. Tried to kill me again, but Gale and Deputy Hicks got there in time. (long beat) I killed Jill."

It's almost too much for Kirby to process, but she manages to fit the pieces together.

KIRBY

"So, they're all dead? Robbie? Trevor? Jill? ...Charlie?"

Sidney looks down at her hands.

SIDNEY

"Jill wasn't careful.. she was so set on killing me that she didn't stop to make sure that everyone was dead. Robbie had no pulse.. Trevor was shot straight through the head, but Charlie was stabbed once. Jill missed his heart by an inch. Charlie.. he survived.

Kirby's eyes go wide. ZOOM IN on her face. She begins to shake.

KIRBY

"Charlie? Of everyone, he had to live? No, no, no! This can't be happening." The shaking slows down, but her breathing is shallow.

SIDNEY

"I'm so sorry."

KIRBY

"I can't believe this."

Footsteps are heard, and Kirby looks over, assuming it's her mom. it's CHARLIE.

KIRBY

"You are the last person on Earth I want to talk to. Stay away from me!"

CHARLIE

"Please.. Kirby. Can we talk?"

KIRBY

"I have absolutely nothing to say to you!"

CHARLIE

"Please, Kirby. Five minutes."

KIRBY

"Fuck no."

CHARLIE

"I'm not leaving."

Kirby pauses, thinking.

"Fine. Five minutes."

SIDNEY

"I'll let you two be alone.."

Sidney gets up, and Charlie sits down in the chair.

CHARLIE

"I'm guessing Sidney told you everything?"

KIRBY

"She told me enough. (beat) How could you just follow a plan like that? To kill everyone?"

CHARLIE

"I'm bi-polar. I found out a few months ago. Jill found out, eventually, and used it to her advantage. I get- I get really angry.. and she used it to her advantage. (beat) I helped her kill Jenny and Marnie. After that, she said that if I didn't go through with the whole thing, she would tell the police it was all me."

KIRBY

"But you had proof, that she did it, didn't you?"

CHARLIE

"None."

KIRBY

"Your explanation doesn't make up for anything. You know that, right? Do you think I have Stockholm Syndrome or some shit?"

CHARLIE

"Stockholm Syndrome is about captors and captives, I tried to kill you."

KIRBY

"Whatever! That's even worse!"

CHARLIE

"You know, Kirby.. that kiss.. all of that was completely real. I like you. A lot."

KIRBY

"That doesn't change anything, your five minutes is up. Bye now."

Charlie reluctantly stands up. It's a struggle for him, because of his wound, but he manages.

KIRBY

"Hey, Charlie?"

He's almost out the door now, but he turns around.

CHARLIE

"Yeah?'

KIRBY

"I'm sorry you got stabbed by a psycho bitch."

He chuckles slightly, and she smirks. He leaves the room, and Kirby can't help but feel a little compassion for him.


End file.
